I would like to start with a single word: “PEACE.” Peace isn’t a condition we await or a favor we beg for; it is a structure we actively build and a decision we execute daily. I think I personally have to say a lot about PEACE. I had a rather complicated childhood, good enough to write a book, but not worthy to waste my time, since a healthy mind no longer lives in the past. I have two sides of the story about the absence of my parents—one on my mother’s side and the other on my father’s side. The one thing I can say about them together is that both sides claimed to be the right one; one claimed to be important and economically stronger as more intellectual, and the other was just walking on rainbows. The one thing that I can tell that I am very THANKFUL for is that both of my grandmothers on both sides believed in GOD from different perspectives but definitely christians, and however they could, they both thought me what a man should be: to work hard, to be responsible, to earn a living, to be honest, to not hurt others, and to protect the ones I love. Now, we all know that life is not easy, nor is it fair, so my story is definitely worse than someone else’s story, or better. What matters is not where we come from, what we inherit, our looks, or what we say. Let’s make it clear that complaining and regret have no value when it comes to solving our quality of life or any problem in general. What matters is what we do with what we have in our hands, and that we live in truth, always seeking for what is good in nature and worth following.

“Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.”
— The Holy Bible, Psalm 34:14 (New International Version)

“Focusing on what you can control—your own actions and choices—buffers the psychological impact of early adversity and directly correlates with higher levels of long-term adaptive resilience.”
— Dr. Ann S. Masten, Ordinary Magic: Resilience in Development (2014, Guilford Press)

There was a point around my 18 years of age, looking for acceptance and validation from the family, looking for love… And gladly, always with God in mind. While seeking for these things, I learned one thing: that we must protect PEACE, that we must work hard for PEACE, and that we must protect the environment in which we live, protecting our minds and hearts from people who threaten our well-being. One of the most important verses I read in the Bible was about leaving your parents’ home, becoming fruitful and productive, finding love, and having a family. To me, that was very clear at 20 years old, as on other occasions in my life, there was some sort of awakening—definitely from God, because it walked me towards growth—and I understood that I should leave my family and start working for the life and peace I have as a vision for my future a future with a structure based on the word of God.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
— The Holy Bible, Genesis 2:24 (English Standard Version)

“The psychological transition of leaving the family of origin to establish autonomy is a critical predictor of healthy adult identity development, functioning as a necessary mechanism for personal growth and emotional self-regulation.”
— Dr. Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from the Late Teens Through the Twenties (2014, Oxford University Press)

“The departure from the familiar home is the first step toward the realization of the self. A person must separate from their origin to discover their own virtue, build their own fortress, and live in accordance with reason rather than the expectations of others.”
— Musonius Rufus, Lectures and Fragments, Fragment 9 (Translated by Cora E. Lutz)

 

…Now, nothing has been as easy as it sounds, I observed 4 things that destroy family members and beloved ones,  4 things that separated me from people I loved...

The first one is: Money / Wealth

I really paid attention to it, especially to the people who want money they have not earned, who want things they have not worked for, and to see how far people are willing to go to get what they want without merit or hard work. It certainly did one thing: even though I complained a lot, I got closer to God. From the year 2000, at the age of 20 years, I noticed that I was already able to sustain myself. With pain inflicted by people I loved,  I learned that productive and honest people must not dwell among lazy, evil, and degenerate people, or they will consume you. Gladly, that was a lesson I learned quickly, with the expensive price of being alone, but at least with peace and without compromising dignity, trying to live an honorable life, never afraid to work hard. Then, I met hard work in stone masonry, and stone masonry showed me that with responsibility, effort, and discipline, there is nothing we cannot overcome. I learned that when you become a productive person, you become resourceful, and therefore you can make sure to be in peace and to remove yourself from places and people with no value. As well as the most beautiful thing: you can provide for the ones you love and share with people who want to grow. The story is a lot longer, but the answer is always responsibility, discipline, and hard work… and to that, I will add the word “NO,” because wealth requires a strong container.

“For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: ‘The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat.’ We hear that some among you are idle and disruptive. They are not busy; they are busybodies.”
— The Holy Bible, 2 Thessalonians 3:10-11 (New International Version)

“Engaging in demanding, skilled physical labor—such as masonry—fosters a high internal locus of control, reinforcing the psychological belief that structural outcomes in one’s life are directly determined by personal effort, discipline, and responsible execution rather than external chance.”
— Dr. Albert Bandura, Self-Efficacy: The Exercise of Control (1997, W. H. Freeman and Company)

“Avoid dynamic association with the base and the idle, for a person’s character is silently shaped by the company they keep. You must learn the strength of saying no, protecting the borders of your soul, and dedicating your labor only to that which is productive, excellent, and true.”
— Hierocles, Commentary on the Golden Verses of Pythagoras, Section 9 (Translated by N. Rowe)

The second one is: Alcohol

It is impossible to ignore this one; beyond being the leading cause of economic collapse in individuals and families, a major cause of diabetes and cirrosis, and one of the primary causes of traffic accidents, it is also an amplifier for the worst. I saw family members being violent and irresponsible with their own families. Alcohol, for some reason, has a very peculiar characteristic: people even think they have a higher status the more expensive the alcohol they consume. Unfortunately, nowadays it is a medium for people to be social, and some individuals even feel like they are not socially effective if they do not consume alcohol—not to mention that alcohol offers an infinity of fake friends nobody needs. Some people use it as a wall to hide from their responsibilities, to disconnect from reality. The worst about it is that the more you consume it, the less you pay attention to the problems in your life that require your five senses ON, and the worse those problems become—to the point, gladly not in my family so far, where a person can become homeless, violent, absent for their family, and completely lost. Not to say alcohol was the one thing that took my mother away that November 25th, 1989. Yes, alcohol also touched my economy, and did not help with depression at all, but gladly, God has been my compass, and I did not allow it to continue affecting me. Character to say NO is absolutely required.

“Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise.”

— The Holy Bible, Proverbs 20:1 (English Standard Version)

“Alcohol acts as a potent central nervous system depressant that disrupts the prefrontal cortex, impairs executive functioning, and decreases emotional regulation, directly amplifying aggressive behaviors while reinforcing cognitive avoidance strategies that exacerbate life stressors.”
— Dr. Laurent Bègue et al., Alcohol and Aggression: An Analysis of Kinetic and Structural Mechanisms (2009, American Psychological Association)

“Do not seek refuge in illusions, nor surrender the governance of your mind to a substance that dissolves your reason. True freedom and status belong to the person who remains master of themselves, who looks reality in the face with all five senses awake, and who possesses the fortress of character necessary to refuse what destroys the soul.”
— Seneca the Younger, Moral Letters to Lucilius, Letter 83: On Drunkenness (Translated by Richard M. Gummere)

The third one is: Drugs

This one never touched me personally! But it did something that really hurt… it has touched people I truly loved. In this modern society, drugs approach as a luxury, as an exclusive thing humans can have. Drugs offer a mental universe that only psychedelics can offer—an addictive reality that does not exist, and many give their lives away for it, experiencing a high that gets people’s souls lost. Because no matter how high or to what dimension a drug may take you, reality remains the same. If one wants a better reality, one must remain conscious, deal with it, and improve it with discipline and hard work. If the situation is still difficult, then become more virtuous, become stronger, become more disciplined and live day by day seeking to be a better person in reality. Running away to a realm that each trip on drugs offers takes and destroys your health, your resources, your economy, your good relationship with your family… it destroys your soul.

I do not care how fancy some scenarios may seem, or how exclusive a party in which you can take drugs may be. I do not care how much it can get you close to sexual satisfaction, and I could not care less about how exclusive the group of people with whom you consume drugs is. The dimension that drugs offer is not real; it will not heal your wounds from the past, it will not solve your economy, and it will not make you a better person. It will do one thing for sure: the little you have in your hands, no matter what it is, that you could use to start improving your life, will be taken away. Then, when you do not have drugs, when you cannot afford them, they will compromise your dignity and your value as a human. Your fake friends will disappear, unless you become a sexual object who offers the body in exchange for drugs and fake joy…

The ones who love you will suffer while seeing you degrading, falling, and losing the opportunity to live a real life in balance.

Yes, drugs never touched me, but they touched people I loved deeply, and forced me to say goodbye to people I truly love. And then PEACE… THAT WORD! People who have a value in our lives will never put us in the position in which we are forced to leave them due to their addictions. And we have the moral obligation to protect ourselves and those in good health who depend on our wellbeing, and to protect our lives, and our PEACE. There is always a choice. For some, the choice is drugs; for others like me, I respect God more than anything else in the universe, I respect his laws, and I love a life in peace which God’s laws offer. I also work very hard, and always make sure to give and not to take. Yet, drugs will also remove those who truly love us, not to mention that apart from losing your soul, you may lose your life, using your time in a dimension that does not exist. Wisdom, vision, knowledge, and virtue come from a heart seeking for peace, truth, improvement, knowledge, and discipline, from being willing to work hard, and not from lies. Drugs are a lie—perhaps one of the biggest lies in these times—offering a false life for your soul. It becomes a fall that, more than being destructive to the individual, drags down into that hole those around the person addicted to it. The lack of responsibility in one forces others to compensate! And the word NO must be used with strength and determination when drugs appear. Your life and the life of those you care for is about to be stained and destroyed by that terrible addiction.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
— The Holy Bible, John 10:10 (New International Version)

“Neurobiological data demonstrates that substance addiction systematically hijacks the brain’s reward system, impairing prefrontal cortical regulation and severing the individual’s capacity for authentic social connection, which forces family networks into severe, compensatory psychological distress.”
— Dr. Nora D. Volkow et al., Neurobiologic Advances from the Brain Disease Model of Addiction (2016, New England Journal of Medicine)

“To seek refuge in false impressions and chemically induced illusions is to abdicate the command of your own reason and surrender your freedom. The virtuous person stands firm in the presence of reality, fortifies their soul with discipline, and exercises the absolute power of saying “NO” to protect their inner peace from the chaos of destructive dependencies.”
— Epictetus, Discourses, Book 4, Chapter 1: On Freedom (Translated by Thomas Wentworth Higginson)

The fourth one is: Pleasure / Lust

In these times, people are suffering a level of loneliness that is hard and painful to see. Everybody wants love and company… but that is not what is happening. You and I are the product of the natural union of a man and a woman, just as God defined it, which should happen with love. It does not matter in what form you were conceived, you come from the genes of a woman and a man; therefore, you have a mother and a father.

But nowadays, love is a word that has almost disappeared in this world. People escape from the concept of family, forgetting they are sons or daughters. People are living in a hookup culture, driven by pleasure and degenerate sexual experiences. This effect even touches people who are already parents; it separates families, and it definitely destroys the life of a child. This hookup culture allows people to consume people on platforms where, by sliding left or right, you find a person with the physical characteristics that you consider sexually attractive. As with any fast-food restaurant menu, people find themselves consuming others. This is definitely the absence of decency, and definitely the absence of God.

In many cases, a person is right next to the man or woman they always wanted to love and live a life with, but due to the desire to live what is not necessary—for lust, for the experience—they choose to explore paths that are absolutely not needed to explore. And the cost is recognized when you have lost the one you loved. It becomes a cycle, and this terrible effect in our society is definitely compounded by sexual degeneration, online platforms, money, alcohol, and drugs. LOVE has a formula that should never be broken: “LOYALTY + TRUST + RESPECT.” Therefore, love gets lost, and humans live with a starving heart and a sick desire for what is not needed. It does not matter how beautiful or attractive an experience is; once trust, respect, or loyalty are broken or separated, love dies.

“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away.”

— The Holy Bible, Song of Songs 8:6-7 (New International Version)

“Sociological and psychological analyses of modern ‘hookup culture’ and algorithm-driven matching platforms demonstrate that treating human relationships as disposable consumer goods accelerates emotional fragmentation, increases rates of clinical loneliness, and systematically undermines the foundational trust necessary for long-term relational stability.”

— Dr. Donna Freitas, The Happiness Effect: How Social Media is Driving a Generation to Appear Perfect at Any Cost (2017, Oxford University Press)

“Lust is a poor craving that seeks to consume another for fleeting pleasure, leaving the soul empty and the heart starving. True love, however, is an act of the will rooted in reason, fidelity, and mutual respect; it does not wander in search of unnecessary experiences, but finds its peace and strength in guarding the sacred container of commitment.”
— Musonius Rufus, Lectures and Fragments, Fragment 12: On Sexual Indulgence (Translated by Cora E. Lutz)

Conclusion:

There is definitely a fifth one: “VANITY.” But I think that if we can keep a heart clean from greed, alcohol, drugs, lust, and vanity, we can live a very good life. Excess is not needed. I truly believe God, just as the Bible explains, created time, space, and resources so humans find limits. If humans were not limited by time, space, and limited resources, I could not even imagine the level of degeneration humans could have reached by now. And so death was imposed by God, so we can be aware that material things are the consequence of our value—by being responsible, honest, protectors, and providers—and so for future generations to come to a world with space and resources left by past generations, and death makes sure humans understand nothing material lasts forever.

Love in a lifetime: with one single heart, each human should respond to the question of love and loyalty—one heart for one love in one limited lifetime. Material things should not cause anxiety; we should just focus on studying, on good disciplines, on hard work, on helping each other, and, more importantly, on following the commands given to us by God. We also have the moral obligation to recognize good from evil and decide on which side we are; that is why we have free will! But do not forget that nothing good comes from evil. We must also accept discipline, order, and structure. Yes, God’s commands, similar to a system, only seek to see us well, surrounded by love, peace, and abundance… but of course, by merit, by working hard, and by being responsible, aligned with what is good, true, beautiful, and worth following.

“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.”

— The Holy Bible, 1 John 2:15-17 (New International Version)

Written by: Rhet Arevalo Marini